Tuesday, August 30, 2005
-Girl's side-
Let me tell the story from the girl's point of view.
My name is Jean. There was this guy that meant a lot to me. He was a rather popular guy in school and he could get along well with girls. At first, we did not talk much but as the day passed, we shared more and more conversations.
He told me about the girl that he liked before and i knew that the girl liked him too. They just did not dare tell each oither about their feelings. As the girl he liked was a pretty outgoing girl, he did not get much of a chance to tell her that he liked her. Soon he found out that another guy liked the girl too. There may have been a slight chance for him to woo her last time but now, he knew that it was impossible.
I do not know when it started but one day, he suddenly told me he liked me. My first reaction was he was just joking but he told me that he was serious. Perhaps it was pure paranoia on my part but i haad a feeling that girl still liked him and the only reason why he told me that he liked me was because he needed somebody to help him forget girl. Or maybe he just wanted to use me to make girk, jealous. Thus, i avoided his question although i had feelings for him too. I decided that it would be best if we just remained as friends for i was afraid of getting hurt. Girl was also my friend and i did not wish to hurt her...
What would you do if you knew that she still liked you?
-Date-
2nd August 2005
Friday, August 26, 2005
-Freaking pissed-
Bloody hell. I'm am so freaking pissed off right now. I told you to do it just now and you did not want to do it. So i started doing something else. Then after you finished having your fun and i was still doing something else you started giving me attitude. You are starting to get on my nerves you know that?
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
-Continuation-
Continuation to the story i wrote last week.
Without knowing it, i have actually been using gal as a substitute for the girl that i liked before. She treated me well when i was down and naturally i used her as a substitute. Also, i used her to make the girl i liked before jealous. I have never thought that i would actually become this kind of person but today i actually became the type of person that i hated the most.
I confessed and told gal that i had been using her all this while. When i looked into her eyes i sould see that she was trying hard not to cry. My heart broke at that moment for i knew that she loved me and i had just hurt her. However, she just smiled at me and said that she had been treating me as a friend all this while and that i did not have to worry about a thing. The guilt that i felt could not be put into words. I wanted to say sorry but i knew that a simple sorry would not be able to heal her wounds.
The next day when i saw her, her eyes were red and swollen. I knew that she cried through the night over what i said but i did not dare ask her about it. She still talked to me as usual but i knew her heart hurt a lot. I did not know what i had to do to console her...
Am i doing the right thing? how did tis happen? when did it happen? when did it start? what am i supposed to do now?
Friday, August 19, 2005
-Unknown-
I have got no more stories to tell so for once i shall talk about my extremely boring life. Had my econs CA2 today and i have to say i'm so going to fail the subject. I didn't even know how to answer the questions. But waht's done is done. No use crying over spilt milk.
The coming monday would be my marketing project presentation and i wonder how my group would fare. We have not done any slides till now so i think we would be trying to complete it tomorrow. Hopefully we would be able to finish it on time and do a good job too.
Should i study for my accounts CA2 on sunday or go for the junior band festival? Its been a long time since i last met up with my bandmates and juniors but Monday is the accounts test and i want to do well for it. Which to go for?
Okay. I have absoutely no idea what i'm writing now so i should just stop crapping. Could someone give me ideas on what kind of story to write? If not i would not have anything to update my blog with.
I just reallised its 130 am and i'm not asleep yet. What am i doing up so late or rather early? How am i supposed to wake up tomrrow? I guess i shall try and put myself to sleep now.
Friday, August 12, 2005
-Story again-
My name is josh. There was this girl that i held very dear to my heart. She was a rather popular girl in school and she could get along very well with guys. I became one of her close friends and we often hanged out together.
At first i only treated her as a friend but slowly, as the day passed, i realised that i had developed feelings for her. Everytime i was with her, my heart would race and each time she walked close to me or brushed her hands against mine, my face would turn beet red.
Because she was such an outgoing girl, she had many guy friends. I soon found out that there was another guy that liked her too. Upon hearing that, my heart sank. I knew that it was impossible between us but i still harboured a shimmer of hope. Now i knew that it was totally impossible.
I tried all ways and means to forget her but i could not. I would see her in school everyday and there was no way that i could avoid her. Everytime she talked or smiled at me, it just made it a little more difficult to forget her.
**********
During this time, another girl appeared in my life. She was the shy and quiet type. I could not remember how we started talking but she was there when i needed a listening ear. Very often, i would pour my troubles out to her. She would just sit by my side patiently, listening to every word i had to say.
One day, i began to look at her in a different way. She was just a very plain jane but there was something drawing me towards her. We could talk about anything under the sun and she often made me laugh.
Then, i finaly mustered my courage to tell her that i liked her. She did not give me a straight answer. Instead, she avoided my question. I immediately regretted what i just said. Would i lose a wonderful friendship because of the silly thing that i just said? But the next day we still continued talking and joking as if nothing happened. I still did not know how she felt and i was pretty anxious to know the anwer. However, there was nothing i could do if she did not want to say anything. I did not want to destroy our beautiful friendship.
********
The thing that i did not know was that she knew about the girl that i liked before. She was afraid that she was being used by me as a substitute to forget that girl. Come to think about it, was i really using her as a substitute? I believe that one cannot have a change of heart so soon. When i was down, she was there for me and naturally i used her to fill up the emptiness in my heart...
Saturday, August 06, 2005
-Denial-
questions questions and more questions. no one to answer them for me. I have broken far too many friendships to endure the guilt and pain of another broken friendship. Life isnt fair. I'm in denial. I can't accept the fact that this is happening. I did not mean for things to turn out this way. Why is this happening?
-Home alone-
It's been a long time since i last stayed at home on a weekend. I have totally forgotten how boring it can get. Attempted to change my template but after downloading the template i was just too lazy to edit everthing. Changing template is a really tedious process. Anyway, the template was not really that nice. Wait till i find something nicer.
she's the one i'm talking about
Let's hope i do not get sued for putting this picture up here.
This was taken some time back, with my lousy camera phone, when i was still working. That day after work, i was on my way back home and as usual, the train was really crowded. It was around 930 pm when i boarded the train and i had to squeeze with all the sales people as they usually knock off around that time too.
Anyway as i was saying, the train was really crowded and standing beside me was this china family. Mother, Father and son. Beside them was the woman in the picture. At a certain stop, i kind of forgotten which stop it was, two person got up and alighted. One was beside this lady and the other directly opposite her. The lady's husband was standing and the woman in the picture sat beside the lady. while the husband took the seat opposite. However, the lady wanted to seat with the husband so she asked the woman if she would swop seats with the husband. The woman agreed and both the woman and the husband got out of their seats.
Seeing that there's an now empty seat, the china woman asked her son to go sit. However, the woman in the picture was supposed to sit there. There was a "scuffle" for the empty seat and in the end the woman got it. By now, the china woman was seeing red. She must have been thinking how could a woman snatch a seat from a child? So she said rather loudly to her son in chinese, " Next time once you have a seat just sit and do not get up even if someone asks you to."
The china family left the train at Jurong East station. Now all this while there was an indian couple beside me too. The indian lady sat beside the woman in the picture and well, the woman started complaining to her.
" Why should the son get the seat when my train fare is much more expensive than his? He should let me have the seat right? All these china people are getting more and more demanding. They came here to fight for jobs with the Singaporeans and now they even want to fight for seats with us." The poor indian couple beside her could only smile and nod their heads to everything she said.
Well, all this while i was sititng opposite her trying hard not to laugh out loud. I had to use my hand to cover my mouth to hide my smile from her. It doesn't sound veryfunny when i write it out but i had a really hard time trying to contain my laughter when i was on the train.
Wow. I can't believe that i actually wrote this long post. I must be really bored.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
-Untitled-
Why is this untitled? Well, because i do not know what to put for the title. Like duh.
I'm feeling very philosophical now so i shall write some philosophical stuff.
Break ups are inevitable in most relationship. So why would anyone dare take the first step and get into a relationship with someone else? Why would anybody wish to get into a relationship and suffer the heartache of a breakup?
Why can't a guy and gal have a purely platonic friendship? If they got together as a couple, wouldn't they be risking their friendship if they ended up in a breakup? Would a couple still be able to be friends after they have broken up?
hmm..no philosophical stuff. All questions. Guess i have really lost my touch. Shall dig up my archives one day and post my old post again.
"Love without hesitations for regrets may just be the most painful consequence."-quoted from kokmun's blog. The sentence is so true.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
-Freaking tired-
Rushed out my proposal yesterday and as i was about to finish the proposal my computer hanged on me. The computer mouse went crazy too. It started moving on its own before hanging on me too. I was working only with the keyboard before my whole computer decided that it doesn't like me anymore and hanged on me. I officially hate my computer. I want a laptop!
So i stayed up till 2am to redo the 2nd part of the proposal that i lost. Now i'm so freaking tired. My lessons started at 8 this morning so i had only around 4 hours of sleep. I envy Hakim. He doesn't have any lessons today. If only i do not have lessons today.
I realise that i'm too curious for my own good. Always poking and asking around to the extent that i find myself gossipy. I should stop tyring to know about people's secrets. Just keep my mouth shut and not ask any questions. If you know me and i start asking you questions please remind me that i'm not supposed to do that.